When Menopause Hits Hard

by Jane Walker*

Jane Walker* was overwhelmed by severe emotional and physical symptoms of menopause. But she is now more informed, empowered and starting an exciting new chapter in her life.

Throughout my early 40s I just felt 'off'.

I didn't feel like myself. When I described the symptoms to my doctor what stood out were my mood swings, hot flushes and feeling bloated.

Also my periods were so heavy and painful it was like I was haemorrhaging, which led me to becoming anaemic and very tired.

It never occurred to me my problem could be perimenopause – declining levels of the hormone oestrogen in the lead up to menopause. I thought I was too young.

My doctor didn't realise either as he diagnosed a different hormonal problem called polycystic ovarian syndrome – even though I didn't have the other typical symptoms, such as excessive facial hair and obesity.

By 45, I was desperate. My gynaecologist said I had no choice but to have my uterus removed. I was about to have a partial hysterectomy and I didn't question it. It was just unbearable and all I wanted was relief.

But when I came to in the hospital I suddenly thought, "What have I done?" I realised I would never be able to have another child, and I felt I needed support and counselling but none had been offered.

After the operation, I felt redundant, like an old shoe that was being thrown out. I had lost my identity. I didn't feel like a woman anymore. I felt my husband would no longer find me desirable, even though he had never indicated in any way that he thought that.

I had to deal with that on my own, and with the support of my husband. I even asked for support from the church, but they didn't know what to do.

Then depression set in. I went to a GP and told him I would cry at the drop of a hat and that I felt strange after the hysterectomy. He said that was normal and put me on a low dose of an antidepressant for six months.

The Right Diagnosis at Last

Two years later, aged 47, I was still very unwell. I was working and finishing my Executive Masters of Business Administration (MBA).

Critical thinking was very difficult and I found it hard to concentrate. I would also wake in the night and not be able to get back to sleep.

I had a mental fogginess and felt I was going crazy. I was angry and upset the whole time. I wondered if it was stress.

For a long time I shied away from large assignments at work, and I was basically working part-time because I felt so unwell. I often had to ask for special consideration in the MBA.

So I went to a new doctor, a female GP, who sent me to have a full blood test. When the results came back even she was shocked. She said I'd obviously been battling severe menopause symptoms for a long time because the amount of oestrogen I was producing was negligible.

That afternoon, I went home and burst into tears. All of a sudden those feelings of loss, and feeling less of a woman, came back. I was struggling in a lot of ways, even in my interactions with people.

Here I was going through a normal stage in a woman's life and I was clueless, and I considered myself to be highly educated.

I researched menopause and its emotional effects, but could find nothing at the time.

Road to Recovery

My gynaecologist wanted to prescribe hormone replacement therapy (HRT) in the tablet form. But because I had studied pharmaceutical sciences at university I wanted to do my own research on the different forms of HRT medication.

I am sensitive to the pill and react badly to patches, so I asked for a gel which is applied to the skin on the stomach and upper thighs. I also got a vaginal pessary for associated dryness.

From the moment I started using the HRT, I felt better. My energy levels increased, my mood improved, and the fogginess in my mind was gone. I felt normal again.

I felt I was back on top of my game. I had more control and it was a huge relief.

The HRT gave me enough energy to start exercising again, and I would even go dancing with my girlfriends.

Before long I put together a group of friends of different ages as a support group to help us all get through our own challenges with menopause.

It felt wonderful to have contributed to diminishing that sense of helplessness and hopelessness. After that it just became a normal but manageable sadness around saying goodbye to my womanhood.

A New Beginning

Three years later and I am still on the antidepressant medication, but I have taken other steps to beat the depression for good.

A year ago I started practising mindfulness, which is about identifying emotions and accepting them and then letting them go. It is also about being in the moment, no matter what you are doing.

All this lead me to focus on human behaviour and, as part of my MBA, I became an expert in change management, which led me to executive coaching and adopting mindfulness into my professional practice.

It's serendipity. I have come from a hard-core senior executive background in the pharmaceutical industry to helping people find their way and become more effective in their careers. It is a big change and it's amazing that menopause had something to do with it.

I'm almost 50, I've had a partial hysterectomy, I'm on HRT and I'm very well informed thanks to resources such as the Jean Hailes Foundation. I've made significant changes to my lifestyle in order to manage my symptoms and the sadness.

Unfortunately, many of my female friends, colleagues and relatives struggle to find the right information and many find themselves confused and feeling anxious.

This is an issue I feel needs more attention, so every woman can feel she is informed and empowered at this time of life.

*Name has been changed.

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